i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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