i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
