i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
