i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
