Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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