We're facebook friends in real life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
