I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
