The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
