so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
