I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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