Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize