I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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