He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
