So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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