i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
