My hand turned me down
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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