ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
