How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
