You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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