Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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