I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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