wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
