I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
