I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
