I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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