i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
