There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
