He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
