lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
