so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
