so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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