i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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