He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
