i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
