i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
