I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
