tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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