From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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