so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
