I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
