he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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