You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
