Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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