Where did you get a picture of my penis
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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