i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
