he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
