he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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