she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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