Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sarcasm needs its own font
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
