I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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