why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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