Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
