We got so high we made milksteak
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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