Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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