Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
