Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
