i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
