I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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