My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
