He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
