my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize