look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
