; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Two words: nipple clamps
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