wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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