Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
