i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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